Right
now, there are three relationships in your life that trouble you.
Perhaps a good friend said something to you yesterday. It felt critical,
but you’re not sure what she meant. The two of you used to be so close,
but lately you’ve been drifting apart. Something’s not right. Oh, and
your mother called. There’s that. You know you should return her call,
but you haven’t. Why? You know there are things you should have said
before, you avoided them, and now you feel it’s too late. It’s always so
hard with her. Always messy. And then...your son has been missing. Not
missing physically, but he’s been distant, quiet, silent. Missing
emotionally. What’s that about? What’s going on in his life? You want to
reach out, but he pushes you away. It worries you.
Maybe the
relationships in your life aren’t exactly like these, but I’m guessing
these remind you of someone close to you, a problem relationship in your
life right now. Maybe it’s not your mother but your father, perhaps not
your son but a daughter-in-law. It could be your best friend. Whoever
it is, he or she is someone who matters to you—or else the relationship
wouldn’t trouble you, gnaw at you on the inside, make you question and
grumble, or even bring you to tears.
So take a moment and think,
who are these three key people in your life? Which meaningful
relationships are troubling you? Relationships you wish were closer.
Relationships you’d like to be deeper and richer. Relationships that
trouble you, bother you, even make you a little crazy right now.
Seriously, think about it. Who are they? And now take a moment to name these three key relationships out loud.
Trust me, this is important for you. In fact, this may be the most significant thing you do in your life right now. Why?
Because
life is way too short. At the end of the day—at the end of The Day—in
this all-too-short life we share, all that really matters is
relationships. Our relationships with the God who created us and with
the people we love. Compared to these relationships, the job or career
goals we set now aren’t really so important, the ladders we try to climb
don’t matter so much, and the objects we long to own and possess seem
utterly trivial.
What really counts in the end is that special
knowing look you share with your spouse, the arms of your child reaching
up to you, or the quiet comfort of a friend who stands by your side in a
difficult time.
The award-winning animated movie Up contains
some profound truths about relationships. In a breathtaking sequence
early in the film, we see the entire arc of the life of Carl, a balloon
salesman, as he meets Ellie, falls in love, and gets married. They share
a dream to travel to South America and save every penny for their big
trip. But there’s something familiar about the way their savings are
constantly being used for the urgencies and emergencies of daily life.
Before Carl and Ellie know it, they’re in their seventies, and although
they have a beautiful marriage, they never realized their dream
adventure.
Ellie dies, and Carl is overwhelmed with regret about
the trip they never took. In a desperate attempt to escape loneliness
and recapture memories of Ellie, Carl attaches a bunch of balloons to
his house and sets out for South America! You begin to realize as the
movie progresses that this dream trip they were saving for, this object
of their future plan together, wasn’t really that important after all.
The real adventure was the life they shared along the way.
The same is true for us: the adventure of a lifetime is right in front of us. It’s just cleverly disguised as a familiar face.
Think
about the possible loss of the relationship with one of those three
people you named. You can’t do anything about death and the physical
departure of one of them from this earth. That’s in God’s hands.
But you can do something about your relationship with them in life.
Much of what you’ve been told about relationships is upside down and wrong.
Researchers tell us that a baby sees everything upside down for the
first few days of life until the brain can adjust the visual picture to
right side up. Most relationships today are stuck in this same infant
stage; we tend to see relationships upside down, and our culture only
reinforces this view. The concept of love at first sight permeates our
music, movies, television, and books. What we learn as children and
continue to believe as adults is that a fairy-tale relationship somehow
just happens. Now, I’m not bashing romance, but meaningful relationships
depend on seeing other people as they are and looking at them right
side up.
Real love—whether romantic love, a close friendship, or a
family relationship—happens long after first sight. It shows up as
people get to know each other more deeply and often after they work
through tough things together. Real love in relationships isn’t a magic
act; it’s a journey. When people say, “It was love at first sight,” what
they really mean is “I was attracted to that person the first time I
saw them.” There is nothing wrong with being infatuated with someone at
the start of a relationship. The real question, however, is, do you have
a love that is growing stronger and deeper every day?
I don’t
believe in love at first sight; I believe in love at last sight. Each of
my relationships has the potential to be better the next time we’re
together than it was the previous time so that the last time we see each
other on this earth we’re closer than ever before.
I’d like you to join me in the Lasting Love Relationship Challenge. The book
One Month to Love
is the challenge, and you can do it on your own. Just read a chapter
each day. There are thirty chapters, they’re short, and you can probably
read one a day pretty easily. At the end of each chapter you’ll find
the Lasting Love Relationship Challenge, which is designed to help you
take the insights from that day and apply them to your key
relationships. Also you can log on to
onemonthtolove.com
each day to access our personal coaching and get extra encouragement
and advice or share your story. Our goal is to come alongside you to
help you create the very best relationships possible. Let’s resolve to
love this year!
Adapted from
One Month to Love by Kerry and Chris Shook with permission of Multnomah Books, a division of Random House, Inc. All rights reserved.Note: Christina has not reviewed this title and does not award a positive or negative response at this time.
Disclosure of Material Connection: I received this text and graphics from Multnomah Books, a division of Random House, Inc. as part of their Blogging For Books Review Program. I was not required to write a positive review. The opinions I have expressed are my own. I am disclosing this in accordance with the Federal Trade Commission’s 16 CFR, Part 255 : “Guides Concerning the Use of Endorsements and Testimonials in Advertising.”
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